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Classics Corner: Butchering The Best

With all due apologies to Clement Moore, we present, “The Nights Before Christmas.”






The Nights Before Christmas

‘Twas the week before Christmas, when all over town
not an adult was sober, not even the clowns;

The recycling was piled, in blue bins as always,
in the hopes that the county would clear off our driveways;

The children with sitters and carry-out nutrition
Knew not that the grownups played a game of attrition;

Away to the dive, we flew like a flash,
Tore open the boxed wine and threw down the stash;

When, what should appear amidst the many merry masses,
But a miniature barkeep, with rows and rows of shot glasses;

He poured and he poured, like an open-wide faucet,
He whistled and shouted, “Who is down? Let us douse it!”

“Now away with the work, kids and pains of old age,
That stuff is not merry, let’s all turn the page!”

“To the lobster crane game, to the two dollar drink!
You best get busy livin’, no one comes here to think!”

“From the back of the room to the bar down the hall,
Let’s drink away, drink away, drink away all!”

‘Course we listened, as we do every year,
Though way deep down we know of such cheer;

It’s fleeting, and fun, and offers such hope,
That’s why we love it, ‘cuz we’re all just big dopes.

As we stumble outside, the stars shining high
He gives us a wave, but he means no goodbye.

He knows we’ll be back, and yes, we know, too.
Because being so merry is so easy to do.

Then I heard him cry out, like a fresh escapee,
“Be good till next year, be the best PDC!”


Merry Christmas, Everyone!
– From the PDC


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