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Flying and drinking go together for a reason

On Monday, a JetBlue flight attendant lost his shit just long enough to use the intercom to chew out a belligerent passenger, grab a beer and leave the plane via an emergency exit chute (story here).

Frequent fliers have to applaud the guy. But a few things seem to be lost in the coverage: The first thing he did after letting off some steam was grab a beer. Are we supposed to believe he wouldn’t be able to find a beer after getting off the plane? Hell, no. As bad as his meltdown was, as badly as he wanted off that plane, he grabbed a beer first.

See those people up there? I cropped their faces out because they were too damn happy. No one’s that happy on a plane, because flying blows. So does work, and studying and almost everything else that drives us to drink. But the people in that pic aren’t happy just because they’re drinking. Notice the size of those seats? That’s first class, baby. That’s not where you and I sit (if you do, leave this page and never come back. Jerk.)

I’m not saying if everyone on the plane drank it would be a better experience. Or that it would take the edge off the nerves of a few hundred people who just spent an hour, or two, or three, getting boarding passes, waiting in security, getting felt up by TSA wardens, and then jamming themselves in an overcrowded metal tube. Actually, that’s exactly what I’m saying.

Too bad booze on a plane is priced like cocaine and is served by people who are, clearly, just one thin thread away from losing it (and it’s not all their fault). And while it’s true that not everyone can hold their liquor equally and some of them are no doubt annoying drunks, it’s also true that 94.7% of the rude people you deal with on a plane are stone cold sober (it’s true, I just made that stat up).

All things considered, I’ll take my chances with drunks. At least they’ll fall asleep at some point.

 

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