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Here’s to you, Charlie Sheen!

Charlie Sheen made $48 million last year. Charlie Sheen dates lots of women and his young wife at the same time. Charlie Sheen was frustrated with his boss, so he told him off in the most public, satisfying way possible.

And people think Charlie Sheen is crazy?

 

 

 

An Open Letter to Charlie Sheen,

Thank you.

I’m guessing you’re not hearing a lot of that lately. I wanted to make sure you knew that some of us are, well, in awe of what you’ve accomplished in life, particularly the last few weeks.

You might not know this, but most people hate their boss, including the ones who work themselves. (It’s ok, a little self loathing can be good for the character.) Even if they don’t hate their boss, they have, at one point or another, wanted to tell him or her off, then ride into the setting sun. In most cases, the only reason they don’t is because they can’t afford to get fired. It’s the same reason I don’t rob banks. It sure isn’t because it’s wrong – all that money is federally insured.* It’s because I don’t want to go to jail.

Rumor has it you were making $2 million per episode for your TV show and that you’ve worked there for eight years.** If I made that much in a week and hated my boss the way you do, I wouldn’t have made it eight years. Any day after week one would have been good. Probably Monday.

Holding back for that long with that much money shows an incredible amount of willpower and an impressive work ethic, for which you’re getting no credit. That’s wrong.

It’s also been alleged that you’ve dated women that were not your wife and that these women were in the entertainment industry. (I’m not saying it’s true. It’s just what I read here: “Charlie Sheen spent $26,000 on hookers in two days.”)

After a little time had passed, your wife moved back into the house and you got on with your marriage.

You, sir, have figured out life. I can only hope you write an instructional reference for the rest of us.

It’s also been thrown around that you have a substance abuse habit. I don’t know what you’re putting in your body, and I don’t care. If I ever reach 45 and can look as good as you do, I’ll take it. I fall asleep every night by 9:00 just so I can deal with the coming day. I’m guessing you don’t have that problem.

As I’ve tried to learn more about your ideas and way of living, I’ve also noticed that there is no evidence of you ever being a Scientologist. Thank, goodness.

So I hope it’s some small encouragement for you to know that not everyone out in the real world is calling you crazy. It seems to me you’ve been honest with people on a level with which most are not comfortable and that your worst offense lately has been scaring viewers of the Today Show. Well, good.

And, frankly, anyone who doesn’t root for Ricky Vaughn is probably a communist.

Here’s to you, Charlie Sheen!

* See Heat (1995).
** All research for this letter came directly from either movies, TV or the Internet.

 

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